May 19th: Humanity lets me down

For the last couple of days, my mom has informed me that she might need to borrow money from me. This is no sweat except she asked for $80.00 in cash. I thought to myself "Well, my mom probably doesn't want to be hasseled with checks or to take my debit card." because that sounds like it'd be reasonable. Not once did I question what the money was going towards, because I automatically assumed it'd be to help out my sister.
See, she's been diagnosed again with breast cancer. I mentioned this earlier in the month so don't think I'm springing this on you now. She had an appointment on Monday and the doctor told her she should go to surgery immediately, because they're worried that the lumps will spread to her lungs. My sister's insurance doesn't kick in until June 1st, though, so she shrugged it off.

Then, with my mom asking me for money today, I just thought maybe she needed it in case my sister was seeing a specialist for another opinion. In fact, I spoke to my sister last night and she mentioned an appointment. However, she said something that I kind of shrugged off because I was only half listening to her. I was too busy raiding in World of Warcraft so my side of the conversation was a bunch of "Okay, mmhm, uh-huh, alright," etc., but my brain identified a word and kept it there for safe logging.
I didn't put 2 + 2 together until after I handed the $80.00 in cash to my mom today. Again, my brain is pinging around and I suddenly replayed my sister's conversation in my head. It was as if I was having it all over again, but actually paying attention this time. My sister said she had an appointment -- which is what I knew already -- but it was with a PSYCHIC. A Psychic who you PAY IN CASH and who didn't reveal her location until last night. Ontop of that, she didn't want my sister wearing any perfume or fragrances because it messes with wavelengths or something.

Once I deduced this juicy bit of information I got so disappointed with my mom. She was amazed that I figured it out, and she did admit that she and my sister didn't want to tell me. Firstly: Because I wouldn't give up the money so easily. Secondly: Because I think tarot reading is evil and bullshit.
So, word to the wise: I'm a very thorough detective when it matters. Just ask my ex-boyfriend. I caught him in every bullshit lie to the point he stopped telling me anything, even how his day went, because I'd always find something that'd contradict. But that's his fault for being a pathological liar and not keeping his story straight.

That's not all, though. Not only did I lose $80.00 to the occult, some thief actually stole our tip jar from work. Burgaled! Here's the jackass caught in the act. I took this snap shot from our security camera.

WHAT THE FUCK!? I told my friends and they're too sensible and were either worried that I got mugged (again) or actually robbed at home. THIS IS EVEN WORSE, OKAY?! There was something like $17.00 in there, and all of it went towards Quiznos and Starbucks. Now I have to ACTUALLY pay for my lunch!
The police officer that came was actually really angry when he saw the guy steal the jar. He said that was so low and petty. Indeed, this was one sly motherfucker. I watched the security camera and he kept edging the tip jar towards him, all the while keeping the conversation going and making sure everyone was distracted in the back room.

After work, I was standing around when some guys started talking to me. They worked at the yogurt store next door, so I ambled over to talk to them. I mentioned the thief and showed them the picture, just in case they've seen him around, and both guys were shocked that it was a white guy that stole. I don't see why, though. The guy looks homeless or like a drug addict, at least, if we're going to stereotype here.
What's funny is they said that someone tried to steal their own tip jar once. What they do to avoid theft is they don't keep a bottom to the cup, so once you pick it up, all the contents fall to the ground. That's actually pretty clever! We should do something like that.

My friend Ace got a tattoo on Sunday. I'll show it just for the sake of posterity -- I doubt he reads this journal. Although a lot of my real life friends know about my blog, they don't often keep up, because this is something more or less an afterthought. My Facebook profile even links to GGS to create further confusion for stalkers and associates.

On a side note: It's kind of funny to see people half naked. I never realized Ace is a little bit out of shape. Look at him sucking in that gut and raising his arm! That's a total Myspace move to make yourself look skinnier. As a cam whore I would know these tricks of the trade.
Anyway, he's getting a tattoo for every country he's visited. I'm guessing that the one with the clover is either Canada or Ireland. I can't wait to see the finished product, though! I love tattoos with a lot of color. In fact, he's inspired me to want to do something stupid with my body and get a tattoo of my own! I've narrowed it down to either a Scarab or an Owl.

I really like this girl's tattoo. I think I want something similiar. I don't want a tattoo on my side, or back, because I want people to actually SEE it. Nor do I want something like a Koi fish or a Weeping Angel, which is really cliche. This means I have to wear long sleeves in the office, but that's a small price to pay!
Speaking of price: That's the only thing holding me back. Ace's tattoo was $500.00! I can barely keep $300.00 in my account before my mom comes asking for something. Like tarot card readings. I'm not too worried about the pain, though. I've discovered long ago that I'm a bit of a masochist. Which is awkward when it comes to sexual things because most guys don't want to bite or be rough, because I guess they want to treat me like a dainty little snowflake. Is this TMI? I think so.

I'll make this less awkward by showing you a DIY project. But because I'm really bad about taking pictures, I just have the finished project. I want to be fashionable like all the other blogs so look at how I BEDAZZLED my ugly shoes. It's sequins and cloth flowers.

What I'm reading: Heartdrops.org, Mallory Maloney, Avidriot.net, Angered Thoughts

May 16th: Tea for mommy haters

I've decided that I'm allergic to air. There's no other way to explain this lingering cold that I can't shake. My friend said it's probably worse, and that I'm allergic to my nose, but I don't want to start panicking. I've still been as sick as a dog who likes to cough constantly. My coughing seriously resembles some kind of veteran smoker, which is impressive, but it hurts. I swear that my abs are rock hard right now due to the amount of coughing I've done all week. Today I enlisted drastic measures in the form of some hardcore cough syrup, Ginger Ale, and honey tea.

So, the smartest thing that I did all weekend was forget my intense "GET BETTER" regime and get really drunk. I'd say that was sarcasm but, in an odd way, I actually woke up one morning and was able to finally breathe out of my one good nostril. See, getting a stuffed up nose sucks doubly for me. I have a deviated septum. Let's consult the internets as to what that means!

A "deviated septum" occurs when the septum is severely shifted away from the midline. The most common symptom from a badly deviated or crooked septum is difficulty breathing through the nose.

Deviated septums run in the family but only for the womens. So, I basically have a tough time breathing as it is. When my good nostril is stuffed up I SHOULD become a mouth breather, as survival dictates that as such, but I'm stubborn and sound like a pathetic person who can't breathe through their nose. It's such a weird feeling, though, to have a dripping nose, when you aren't aware of it. I can't control any kind of sniffage in my left nostril due to the fact I just don't get any air through it. When there's a drip going on, I'm basically unaware until I feel it coming out of my nose, which is REALLY ATTRACTIVE!

Back to my ill-advised-while-suffering-a-head-cold-drunken weekend. I apparently did a lot of silly things. I photo bombed, wrestled, mooned, and dyed a friend's hair red because everyone wants to be just like me.

The photo bomb I sent to everyone.

Some NSFW/NSFL shame.

My butt has an explanation, and a reason. Firstly, I do lunges, fellas! Okay, I kid. Here's the reason: A friend of mine got a tattoo and apparently I seem the type to get tattoos and piercings, but I have zero on my person. When asked whether or not I'd get a tattoo, I always said the only one I'd ever get was a cupcake on my ass like My Little Pony.

The pony does it better.

I wisely backed off from actually getting a real cupcake on my butt but I still managed to draw that masterpiece with a marker. It's odd, though -- I actually hate eating cupcakes. They're messy and I'm never sure what kind of angle to start biting a cupcake from. Not to mention you have to peel the paper as you go and it's just way too much work and crumbs. Am I over analyzing this?

I would write more but I'm just not feeling it. I hate discussing my activities in detail, 'cause it's often a "You had to have been there" type deal. Plus I'm just altogether drowsy and miserable. In fact, my misery has made me return to that stupid, god awful, blood pressure riser of a game called World of Warcraft. I blew a few minds upon my return (it's been almost 3 months) but otherwise everyone's been ignoring me, which is great, because I hated being chased around Ironforge or hounded in whisper by rude people.

I left for many reasons, one of them being my constant lag. The way my brain works, though, is that I hate not being able to fix a problem. Especially if it's computer related. So, I dug around in every kind of WoW Support forum to figure out what I could do, or change, to improve the latency in my game.
I did an updated registry hack to force my computer to pay attention to background programs that I have open. This is actually amazing. Me browsing websites, especially photo galleries, has made a huge speed increase. The downside is that any background programs that I have going on, like music, will suffer.

Another thing that I figured out is my server is just too old, big, and far away from me. Draenor was created in 2004, it's on the opposite side of the country for me, and it has something like 23,000 people on it. In the name of science, I created another character on a brand new realm, located near me which was made in 2007, and has about 4,500 people. No surprise, but I have absolutely no latency issues on the new server.

I want to continue playing on Draenor, just because I overall want to play WoW (it passes the time), but I think I'll have to realistically look into a server transfer to a newer realm that's closer to me. I don't have the time or patience to create a brand new character on a new server, therefore netting gear, money, and reputation. It's just not worth it. Two years ago I could have done that but I like my life where it is, as in, not spending hours just to achieve three levels in a game.

What I'm reading: WoW Support, Silly Grrl, Tiger Tiger, My Jewelry Box

May 12th: From the brink of death

Fucking-a. In my previous entry, I made light of the fact that I was getting sick. Just a sore throat and some coughing. Tuesday came by and I was still feeling shitty and really dizzy. I was also getting goose bumps and chills when I was laying down in bed. It turns out I had a 102.8 fever and it didn't go away until around 4pm today.
So, that was almost 24hrs with a fever and just general misery. At this point I'm actually exhausted because I couldn't sleep well. I was so hot and disoriented that I somehow broke my lamp and knocked over my water bottle in the middle of the night, but I don't remember doing this. All I know is I woke up with my lamp on the ground and my books splayed out everywhere.

I barely had any medicine to take, either. It was fucking awful. Although my fever's gone now, I am still hacking up a lung and I feel really weak. The last time I had a fever this bad was something like 4yrs ago, and I literally thought I was going to die! I had the flu and I was living by myself, in a cold basement, in a town where I didn't know anybody, and I remember having to put my blankets in the dryer as a way to keep warm because there was absolutely no heat in my bedroom. I envy people that can get over being sick with rest and fluids. I need double dosages of nyquil, tylenol and antibiotics just to make it one night.
It's no fun. I make such big efforts to work out and eat right but my immune system is such a big baby and can't handle any kind of germ. I'm probably going to die of something really unimpressive, like a headache, when I'm older.

Whilst sick, I grow bored. Despondent. Downright chaotic. Instead of doing something artistically destructive, thus cementing my name in legendary status, I instead just dyed my hair bright red. Excuse me for my beauty but I'm not wearing any makeup and I just came back from the brink of death.

I know you like that PIMP DRAGON POSTER I have in the background. It's a shame my camera phone is so shoddy and I can only really hold it with my right hand, thus you always get the right of my face. Not to mention that I didn't retouch the first picture, with me holding my hair, and it shows a more vibrant red than the one underneath where I had a light on. What a crock of shit!

Being sick has really made me pissed, though. I missed out on TWO cool things which have left me butt hurt and pouty. Firstly, I've heard of this movie called Splice for awhile now and it got me really excited. I love weird expirements and especially when Adrien Brody is doing them. It's about these two "radical" scientists that want to create a new organism, so they spliced together animal and human DNA and made a chimera. I also wanted to bring my friend, who I'll call Til, 'cause he likes strange movies like that. So, I trolled around the internets and found a place that was giving away free tickets, and I ended up winning a pair of them for a free screening on May 12th!
Well, since the universe is one big whore, I ended up getting sick. I didn't want my tickets to go to waste, though, so I gave Til my blessing and told him to take someone else to enjoy the fucked up goodness of Splice. Apparently the director of the movie was there, too, and they had a Q&A AND the director also did the movie CUBE which is, seriously, one of my favorites. God damn, I can't catch a break. Not to mention how I really did want to hang out with Til, 'cause I'm always trying to be an active friend although our schedules and the distance conflict with one another.

Another thing is my family went to a farm in Virginia that has military volunteers who are all my age and apparently hunks. So, not only did I miss out on the movie but I also missed an opportunity to present myself to some hot mens. What the fuck is going on? What demi-god did I piss off?

Since I'm bad at segwaying into different topics, I'm going to just start another one altogether. This one will be about coincidences. This past week, things that I THINK about actually happen. Or if I mention something, an exact instance of what I spoke about will occur that day. I don't know what to really think, exactly, but it's so uncanny and sometimes weird how this stuff happens. I'm going to give a brief list of things that have happened in the past two weeks.

(1) Last week, I was talking with my co-worker about the internet when we were growing up. I mentioned to her that I used to read a lot of people's stuff when I was 16yrs old, but I don't know what happened to those people ever since. One in particular, though, I always thought about. It was a girl that married her high school sweetheart when she was REALLY young, and I thought that was so scandalous. But otherwise I really liked her because she was a sincere person and just all around funny.
When I got home, I was surfing around Jenn's blog and I saw a website called Design 85. I randomly clicked it, not expecting much judging by the name of the site. I figured it would be some kind of Wordpress theme website. But LO AND BEHOLD -- it was her. That girl who I used to read when I was a wee lass! What are the chances of that happening? I wrote to her immediately to let her know, and she was way cool to respond back and be a good sport about my stalkerage.

(2) I had some female bonding with my mom in the form of us watching Touched By An Angel (shut up). I told my mom how we had to watch an episode of TBaA in my high school Psych class because my teacher wanted to prove a point about selling your soul. The episode we watched was how Satan decided to collect early when some kid sold his soul for a new car or something.
My mom, who is deeply religious, got really flustered because she was just discussing with my sister about how it seems that the most unlikely and evil people have success in life compared to those that seem to deserve a break. So she said that they probably sell their soul, to some extent. She gave the Kennedys as an example. Apparently the father (Joseph P. Kennedy) got really rich in the middle of the Depression while everyone else was losing their way. According to a 1967 articles in Time Magazine, Kennedy survived the crash "because he possessed a passion for facts, a complete lack of sentiment and a marvelous sense of timing."
Uh huh. His children didn't have it so good. See John F. Kennedy, Robert F. Kennedy, Ted Kennedy)

(3) Not really THAT cool but I didn't have my phone with me all day, like, on me or around me, so I wouldn't know if someone were trying to reach me all day or what. I decided to pick it up and take it with me on a whim, before I went out of the room to watch TV, and at that moment my friend Ace called. This is only a poignent moment because I hadn't heard from Ace in two weeks, since he's a guy that comes and goes, so I was glad to catch him on that sudden whim.

(4) I saw an animal documentary one time about pirahna and how they're crazy killers. What really scared me was how this animal called a Capybara (which is the world's largest rodent!) went into piranha filled water while it had a bleeding wound in its thigh, and the piranha were all like "HELL YEAH!" and went into a feeding frenzy. They ate the Capybara so fast that its front legs and were still kicking and its head was above water, but there was nothing else.
So, with that in mind, I was watching another documentary about pirahna on the TV and I turn to look at my computer screen and there's a HUGE picture of a Capybara. Consider me spooked!

What I'm reading: Nothing. I've been too sick to go online. Meh.

May 10th: sick from the circus!

I haven't been to the circus since I was a little kid. In fact, my family so rarely went to the circus that my memories of that day are remembered by my older brother and sister, who say that was THEIR only time, too. So I was lucky to get it in when I could, even though I was 6yrs old. It was Ringling Brothers and I don't really remember anything, but I got a circus cup with a tiger on it. Its tail was the handle and we had that cup for almost 10yrs until it was lost somewhere along the way.
It's funny because I'm sure, as a kid, I would have prefered a stuffed animal or light up toy, but my parents are way too practical and bought a cup. These are the same people that buy me toothpaste and panties every year for Christmas. One of these days I'm going to get a Life Insurance plan and condoms.

On Saturday, The Cole Bros. circus came into town and I went with my sister and niece and nephew. I was a total bleeding heart, though. I've been on a really big thing about animal welfare and it started because my sister wanted to buy a dog from a puppy mill, which I fucking hate. It's utmost cruelty to animals to keep them caged up for breeding purposes.
In the case of the circus, I've seen enough Animal Planet documentaries to give them a huge side eye. Forcing wild animals to perform is kind of like me shooting a gun at your feet and making you dance. Well, my scenario is way more amusing. And just to clear things up: I'm not exactly a Peta fan, either. I think their heart is in the right place but the way they get the message across is either too confrontational or ripe for mockery. All the same, though, it's really sad to read how the Cole Bros. Circus has neglected or abused their animals with witness accounts. It's been two years, though, so hopefully they've improved, but in this economy, who knows?

Wow, I didn't want to necessarily be a debbie downer. It just worries me a lot about animals and how they're treated, and I don't like to just turn a blind eye sometimes. So, anyway, back to circus shenanigans. It was really windy and cold out, which was nice, because the circus was actually IN a tent and not inside of a building. In hindsight, I wish I had taken a picture of the big top, but I wasn't really thinking about it at the time. What I was thinking about was how my stomach was literally eating my spleen.
I was starving so I bought "clown money" 'cause I didn't have any actual cash and they wouldn't take a credit card. And the circus is one big gyp because everything cost either $5.00 or $12.00, and were in tiny portions. Those scheming fucks! Especially because I'm all about indulging kids, even my whiny niece and nephew, so I bought them face painting, an elephant ride, and they got lightsabers. So that was about $60.00 in the name of fun. Fuck me. Onward, for the action!

GO HERE TO SEE MY PICTURES FROM THE CIRCUS!

I have a shit ton more but it took me way too long just to put up two dozen, so this is all you're getting. Go to your own circus!

While the circus was all fun and great, I got something out of it that I wasn't expecting. No, it's not like my heart grew three sizes that day, nor did I get it on with a clown. I got sick instead. Despite my awesome career at kicking ass and taking names, I am of a frail constitution. Being in that big crowd made me really sick and so I'm sitting here with a sore throat, and I've been coughing all night, and going to work while you sound like you swallowed a frog is not very fun.
I ate some ice cream and it helped a lot more than sucking on these shitty throat drops, but I can't keep eating ice cream all night for relief. Woe is me.

Oh, here's something kinda neat. GGS interviewed me and you can read it at Meet The Staff: Sarah Grace. So the secret's out -- my mother really didn't name me V. Although deep in her heart I think she felt it was the right thing to do. I'm glad GGS has picked up a bit. We have a new staffer, who is of the male persuasion, but he's all gung-ho and finding news and writing so that's always a great thing.
I know I could make a Twitter or something to be better involved with the staff, but I just don't have it in me. I like being that oracle on the mountain.

What I'm reading: Darling, your head's not right, Fox Princess, Mallory Maloney, Uncanny Valley

May 6th: iron man!!

I'm so pumped right now. I'm going to see Iron Man 2 tonight and it's probably one of the few movies that I've been excited for lately. I saw Kick Ass and a bunch of shitty movies (Repo Men, The Bounty Hunter and Clash Of The Titans), but they were more filler. And luckily I could pay a child's ticket during the day 'cause the staff doesn't double check. Especially if it's for a PG-13 movie, anyway. TRICKY, TRICKY!

I love me some Robert Downey Jr, though. It's shameful but his real life persona reminds me of this guy I know, who I'll call Ace, to whom I am equally attracted to. Ace is kind of flighty and difficult to carry a discussion with because he's jumping to so many topics, but he's so funny and charismatic and really engaging so I kind of get giggly when I have his full attention.
Speaking of boys: I've apparently accrued a following of gentleman callers at work. I know old guys like me, which brings plenty of laughs and pokes by my co-workers, but one of them told me how a younger guy was asking specifically ABOUT ME when it was my day off. He said how he comes in there a lot and sees the "pretty red haired girl", and remembered my name 'cause I wear a name tag at work.
This isn't the first time this has happened, though. I've had three guys try the whole "Didn't I see you last night at ______ (the club, library, mall)". Which is silly, because I have no social life, so now I'm aware that this is a pick up line. Or else there's an equally hot Doppelganger so that means I'm probably going to die soon.

They are generally regarded as harbingers of bad luck. In some traditions, a doppelganger seen by a person's friends or relatives portends illness or danger, while seeing one's own doppelganger is an omen of death.

I'm liking the attention, though. Sometimes I feel like I'm kind of in the background, as just being a friend, because I'm not traditionally pretty or outgoing enough to be a slut. I tried explaining this to my self righteous friend who thinks I'm shallow for liking attention, especially from immature frat boys, but shit, I'll take what I can get!

The following paragraph or so will be about me absolutely raving about a beauty product. There'll be information, and humor, and you'll go away feeling jealous and like you need this in your life. At that point my work here is done.

I hate body hair. I've been shaving since I was 14yrs old but it doesn't seem to get any easier. My main concern are my legs and my bikini area because I wear low cut panties and jeans and I don't want a Demi Moore bush greeting strangers. I also don't want to get rugburn when my pants rubbed against my stubbly legs. That's the absolute worst feeling.

The thing that's weird is that my leg hair doesn't grow past my knee caps. I'm not sure if that applies to everyone, though. In addition, I have naturally blonde body hair so it's really thin and not exactly a problem. Just the stubble and sometimes razor bumps and ingrown hairs are really hard to deal with. I was even starting to get in-grown hairs on my legs, I think due to the fact I sit cross legged for hours at a time, so my skin is smashed up weird.

I've tried out Nair before but I hated it. It irritated my skin for days afterwards and it smelled like burning apples because I thought I'd go with their Green Apple fragrance. A lot of people pledge by Nair, though, and here's where I'll share a funny Nair story. DO NOT CLICK THIS LINK IF YOU'RE AT WORK OR NEAR A NUN OR SOMETHING. This is probably the funniest experience I've read about a man who used Nair to get rid of his asshole hair, but it really turned me off from guys for awhile because I never considered the fact that many have a really dirty asshole. Here's a quote to LURE you into reading the full scan.

"I resigned myself to the fact that I would forever spend long spells sitting upon the toilet wiping the dung from my matted crack like a man trying to wipe the frosting off a wedding cake with a paper towel."

READ THE FULL SCREENCAP HERE!!

Anyway, back to me. I hate Nair. My skin's too much of a big baby to take its scorching qualities so I instead sucked it up and shaved but I'd start to develop stubble within two to three days. Not to mention that anytime I reshaved my bikini area I'd bleed from nicks and be really sensitive down there. Not cool.
I'm also starting to fret because it's GET SEMI NAKED SEASON so I don't want to look like a girl who obviously shaves too much. So, on a crazy hunch, I bought Veet: Dry Skin Formula. I reasoned that if I bought the dry skin type it'd skip me having to put on lotion afterwards, thus creating a bad reaction. I always made fun of the product because "Vite" is French for "Hurry", which is what they're basically trying to say with that bastardized English version. As in hurry-get-rid-of-this-fucking-hair.

In the name of science, I waited ONE WEEK, so my leg hair could grow back in. This kind of sucked because the weather decided to be scorching hot but like hell I was going to wear shorts. I looked like a hippie.

The time finally came where I couldn't wait any longer, though. I slathered it on, and Veet calls for you to put on a layer of the cream but don't rub it in. Then you're supposed to wipe it off after 3 minutes. I was really worried that it'd burn like Nair but I put it on my legs, anyway. Already it SMELLED better than Nair. The Dry Skin formula is Shea Butter with a Lily fragrance that wasn't heavily chemical and smelled exactly as it sounds. I then sat perched on the bath tub with a book and I waited 5 minutes for good measure.
When the 5 minutes were up, I started to wipe the cream off in an upwards motion, starting from my ankles. I didn't see any hair or anything coming off on the washcloth, which was kind of disheartening, especially because I hadn't shaved in nearly a week so I was a yeti beast. But upon closer inspection, the HAIR WAS GONE. There was absolutely nothing, and it felt just like the closest shave you can ever get. I was so encouraged by the results that I worked up the nerve to put the cream on my *ahem* lady area, and it didn't disappoint me. It wasn't able to get all the hair, because I had previously shaved a few days ago, but the hair is a lot softer and thinner so I'll just do another go-around in a few days.

I'm already on DAY THREE after using Veet and I'm still as smooth as if I had just done it last night. When I shaved I'd almost always get stubble right about now. I really love this product and I know I can probably use less now that I'm totally hairless, so I think this is worth it. Man, Veet should be paying me for endorsements!

What I'm reading: Design 85, Jenn.nu, Summergale.net, Wanna Be Nerd & Travel This World

May 4th: pondering & squabblings

I've taken to heart the many emails I get from strangers who ask me "Why don't you allow commenting?" I know -- I'm quite the rare Pokemon out there. To be honest, what's holding me back the most is that I'm kind of clueless about customization. Today was my day off and I spent a good 4hrs trying to make Wordpress and Blogger work with the theme that I have going on for Vae Victis.
Wordpress and PHP is seriously another language that I've never studied or used aside from automatic form generators. As in, everything was done for me. It's like trying to understand Kanji, basically, and it was really frustrating me. Anytime I changed a variable and refreshed to see if it'd work there would often be a lot of sighs and grr's, I can tell you that right now. I COULD use a default theme but I like what I've created. I hate learning these things by myself.

I went to Blogger in the hopes it'd be easier, and it was, because it was XHTML and CSS so I was coasting in waters that I knew but I still didn't like how it looked. So, I've scrapped the entire idea altogether right now. A girl named Mallory was helpful and pointed me in the direction of a commenting script called Echo but I'm still thinking about it. I've seen a few websites using Echo, but it takes getting used to. Especially because I don't see an option to just put down a simple URL which is what I want so people can leave me their websites.

So, as an alternative to being a regular blog, I'm going to put down the links to referral sites and people who are kind enough to email me. Just doing my thing to promote awareness of other people.

On a more serious note, my sister found another lump in her breast. She's had breast cancer before and something like 3 lumps were removed from her breast without her having to get a mastectomy. I'm not sure of the details from what happened to her before, because I was living far away from them, and my family is notably not a bunch of people that keep up connections once you're out of state lines. Or county lines. Or even the zip code. Okay, so we're not the most personable and close.

This time around, though, I can see the drama up close. So close in fact that my sister made me feel her boob. Cue me being really awkward because the lump was RIGHT beside her nipple, so I was trying not to do a huge faux-pas and actually rub my own sister's nipple. I think I just vomited in my mouth a little bit after I wrote that sentence.
Surprisingly my sister is really zen about all of this. She loves drama and to be sick. She's kind of ass backwards when it comes to attention and feels that being ill is the ultimate press event. She's even excited that two of her friends had died from breast cancer in their early 30's, because she's 34yrs old, and that's just another huge sympathy vote going for her.

Y'know, I realize I sound kind of bitter or like I'm brushing this breast cancer thing off, but it's only because of her attitude towards this. I know in a few days, and in the weeks that'll follow, she'll probably somber up to the fact that this is serious. My sister doesn't have health insurance anymore but she has an appointment at a free clinic next week so they can see for sure what's going on. For what it's worth, my sister has amazing resilience compared to the rest of the population, which makes her wanting to be sick constantly kind of annoying.
I'm also worried because my sister has so much going on right now. She's volunteering at a museum and is trying to find a job so as to support the family. What if she gets an amazing job offer but has to go through cancer treatments? Not to mention how can they pay for the treatment? I hate worrying about these things. I feel partly selfish because I don't want them asking me for money when I have so little to give.

Other than that, not much has been going on. I've been doing a lot of internet mongering but it's not amounting to much. I like GGS but it seems like nobody's ever commenting. Even amongst the staff. I try to comment as much as I can, but I don't know what needs to change. Maybe I just feel left in the dark because I don't actively talk to the other staffers.
Right now, my biggest priority is to get my Silent Hill comic book archive (A Shot In The Dark) known amongst the community. I emailed a lot of people for link exchanges and affiliation to get the ball rolling. Soon it'll become an unstoppable force!

What I'm reading: Fox Princess, Jeff Lion, Heartdrops.org, Angered Thoughts & Avidriot.net

May 1st: wind beneath my wings!

So, I punked out. Bought into the man. Bought into FADS, and I've therefore bought my own domain. It's located at Oh Piratey.net, not to be confused with Piratey DOT org because I certainly made that mistake. In fact, I think that man is an actual pirate so I'm glad I didn't cross his path.

The difference with this domain is big, though. I bought a Reseller package. Let me break it down into laymen's terms. Right now, I own 1,500 acres of real estate. I can sell my land to potential buyers, at any price I want, per month. However, there's bandits and scam artists and plain old rookie error keeping me from making gold here. Okay, this analogy sucks.
Basically, I'm learning everything by ear and whatever I can find through Google. The first problem that I have right now is my invoice SAYS I can create other domains, which is what I want to do, but that option isn't showing itself for me right now and I don't understand why. Another thing is the huge wave of spam that I've received in my email just overnight. When I was hosted with Vanessa, I flopped my email left and right, with no discretion or valor. Nowadays, I put my email deep into a source code and I'm getting fake emails sent via my contact form. Rascals!

I love having a domain right now, though. I'm giddy over it like some kind of new toy, because it just tickles my geek nerve in a way that makes me want to go "Oo, yeah, don't stop!"
I've spent so much time on this website in the last 48hrs that it's almost kind of pitiful. Not to mention that when I was pulled away from the computer for social concerns all I did was plan in my head, or on napkins, how to make a certain layout or code work properly. I'm like the John Nash of geekydom here.

Now comes the dilemma, which I often face, if not brush past quickly like an open flame: How do I feel about letting my personal friends and family know about this website? It's bound to happen. I'm a proud peacock about the things that I make, and sometimes people are more cunning than I first give them credit for, and they find me with little to no clues. My main problem is that I talk candidly about everyone while I remain behind an alias. I think that needs to change.
As an alternative to straight out censorship, or password protected entries, I'm going to Jane Austen the shit out of this blog from now on.

This is a shitty entry, but I had to say something. I'm running on, literally, 3hrs of sleep and I'm about to go out to a barbeque so I'm pretty wired on caffeine. I dunno how I'm going to survive the rest of the night, short of snorting coke off of someone's ass, but I'll remain standing. I just wanted to say how happy I am that I have a domain, although I loved being hosted by Vanessa. She's always been a good friend and was there immediately when I decided I wanted to make websites again.