March 30th, 2010
Since I'm busy watching Sherlock Holmes, I'm going to be a shallow narcissist and do a photo gallery of me. Hell yeah! I went on a mini shopping spree and got some things I really wanted/needed, but some of the other pictures are just plain goofy looking me. I'm very shy about how I look, despite my pompous attitude sometimes. I really only act like a jerk around other girls because I feed off of low self esteem. Mm, yeah. Let's get to the good stuff!
Hello Kitty Wallet from Nordstrom > Price: $21.00.
I don't have the exact link because I bought it in the Junior's section just on a whim. I was passing through and saw they had a Hello Kitty display, which is like my catnip, and I spotted that gem of a wallet. My old wallet is lime green and leather but it was seriously dirty. If you looked under the strap that binded the wallet together, there was a noticably clean spot of green that showed what color it used to be.
Kickass leather purse from London Fog > Price: $95.00
I therefore needed a new purse to go with my wallet! I really love this bag. I have enough room for my glasses, phone, a book, my wallet, iPod and a drink. It's brilliant! The straps are great and can fit easy on my shoulders, but I have a habit of wearing my purse on the crook of my arm. This nets me a bunch of eye rolls from guy friends to witness me doing something feminine, but it's comfy. Fuck 'em.
Pageboy hat in grey from Payless > Price: $16.00
I've never bought a hat before but I really liked this one. I actually wear it a lot. I was mainly inspired to get a hat like this after I watched Inglourious Basterds because of Shoshanna. She was really pretty in the french cafe with her messy hair and hat, so I like to emulate that style. I tend to have hair that I don't care about and people think I come off as if I could care less (when I obviously care a lot!)
Faux leather bomber jacket in chocolate from Bebe > Price: $45.00
You don't want to mess with me in a darkened alley! And this is a rare sighting to see me in my glasses (although I am required to wear them 24/7). I never do, though.
See? I never wear them!
These are my legs. This is only pertinant because I've been working out every day like a motherfucker but I still don't have calf muscles. You can feel them if my leg's tense, but you can't see them! It's so irritating. My mom says I must be working hard going up and down those stairs to get to the fridge, and that I'm working on my squats when I bend down to see what's on the bottom rack. Thanks, mom. I love you, too.
Coral red dress from my Mom as a gift
Speaking of my mom, she redeemed herself by buying me a dress. My mom is in league with me getting a 'real job', as in a desk job, or just something classy. Like a high priced whore. Instead of talking about videogames or shipping boxes. So she bought me a sheaf dress that's actually surprisingly nice. The picture doesn't really do it much justice because I couldn't get it all in there, but it fits me perfect. The dress is Plan A. Plan B is to get me into some job interviews and be taken seriously, although my resume is nothing but Gamepro and World of Warcraft. Sigh!
Speaking of work: My boss is always stupefied at how cheerful I am all the time, but I'm just a perky person in general. I don't like to take my bad days and feelings with me because customers pick up on that. Like how an animal can sense fear, a customer will know you're having a shitty day and will make it way worse. For example, let's take today for instance. I was seriously bogged down and kicking myself because I found out that a statue that I wrapped (I work at UPS, by the way), got damaged in transit. Which is funny because I remember that exact package and how they were telling me that didn't care about that junk at all and would be fine if it got lost. Oh how their tune changed!
Anyway, dealing with them on the phone while trying to help everyone else made me lose my steam. At that point, a gay guy who I'm helping pack a huge exercise machine came by for the 15th time to make sure we didn't need him for anything. I told him nooo, we'd call him if we needed any information out of him that we didn't already have, and he got really huffy and must have hoodoo jinxed me because every customer after that was up my ass.
Let's see, what else has been going on for me. Oh, Bryan and I got into a fight but the fight itself perfectly describes our friendship and tempers. Here's the rundown.
-- To preface, Bryan and I have polar opposite personalities. He's an extreme extrovert and gets over things quickly. I'm an introvert and remember every wrong that has been rue'd to me. However, we have almost the same tempermant, in that he and I have really short switches when it comes to touchy subjects.
-- The touchy subject is that he likes me and I'm kind of uninterested. And by kinda I mean it'd be a chilly day in hell if I were to be his girlfriend. Again.
-- The fight came about because I made fun of him, and Bryan is someone with a touchy ego. Couple that with the fact that he likes me, and I kiiinda made an ass of myself, but I wasn't trying to be malicious.
What started the fight was a complete accident, though. Sunday morning, my phone died because I hadn't charged it. I was pretty wasted the night before and I was sleeping soundly until 3pm, so I didn't actually open my phone until around 4pm to check on my messages. I had a mystery voicemail, and it certainly WAS a mystery because it lasted 2 minutes and the voices were faint.
What happened is Bryan's butt called me. He has one of those touch screen phones and it's prone to calling me, for some reason, while he's unaware and it's in his pocket. I usually call this his "Asshole tendencies calling me" but he doesn't think that's very funny. Initially it was fun trying to figure out what was going on, because I could hear Bryan talking to someone and then I realized he was speaking to a girl!
So I called Bryan up to ask how he was, what did he do last night, but he was really hazy and hung over still. I mentioned the voicemail and how I could hear him talking with a girl and if he got some last night, and that got him really raging. To the point that we didn't speak again until about 9pm my time, when I called and apologized for making him upset.
Turns out the girl was his friend's girlfriend and she was driving them, as in the boyfriend was in the car, back to their hotel. He then went on to say he hasn't or wouldn't hook up with any girl because he's not interested in that and has been trying to get with me. So cue my incredulous stare right about now. "Get with me"? I don't even remember any attempts or him saying he likes me. He holds his cards really close and that's always been a problem to understanding him. Because he thinks he might be open about something, but he's really not.
But theeen it dawned on me. He called me a few weeks ago, really drunk, and saying how he hated me because he couldn't fuck any girl or look at another girl without seeing my face and feeling guilty. Oh geez. I think this sudden push to mend our way past broken relationship came about because he realized that nobody's really stood by his side more than me. Or even tried listening to him, although we butt heads quite often. I know my friend Ray likes to think he's my enemy, but that'd role go to Bryan. We would clash and make up in an hour's time.
Right now, he's in California and I know for sure that none of the other girls he fooled around with even contact him because he's not an hour away drive now. He and I talked about this back in January, sorta. I told him if he gets into a relationship with someone, how does he know they'd really wait 9 months, even 12 months, to see him? He's about to go overseas. And he assured me that he had someone in mind, and I guess he thinks that's me, because he wants to go on a trip with me in May before he gets deployed. Oh geez. What do I get myself into?
He said something funny today, though, because it was scaringly observant and blunt. I've been kind of a softy towards him lately, even going so far as to apologize about the fight, and then asking about how long he'd be gone once he's deployed in 2 months. Like, actually concerned about the length of time. So he asks me if I'm on my period because I haven't been acting myself. HA WHAT? I can't be sensitive without it being due to hormones?! The answer is: No, I can't. And it's true! I turn into a big pile of mush right before my period, and I get really romantic and want cuddles and and I am hyper sensitive about things. The moment I'm done, it's like a switch goes off in my head and I'm back to being myself.
Stupid Bryan for noticing but he had to live with me for 2yrs so I guess he'd know. I don't think he ever laminated my cycle (my friend Tyler does that!), but he'd always roll his eyes and go with it for a week while I was clingy and crying over everything.
Enough about that. I've been patiently waiting to open a bank account. My ID has been expired since March 4th and then I found out that I am no longer in possession of my birth certificate to go to the DMV and get a new ID. Lovely! So far I have a $460.00 check that's been sitting in my wallet and burning a hole, but I really should save it. I'm trying to get enough money to go on a beach trip with my friend Ray, which is another reason I've been working out. My goal right now is to keep my boobage but lose inches. In the past, I'd just skip meals and be a size 2 but have nothing going on uptop.
Nowadays, I'm a size 2 and am actually a C cup, and it's all due to exercising and eating! (And soy milk!) What a capital idea, chap! I hate having to eat healthy, though. Drinking water? Ugh, boring. I even eat apples instead of making a really juicy sandwich with cheese and mayo :(
March 18th, 2010
I initially felt compelled to write and bitch. My dog pee'd through my bed not once but TWICE. The inital pissing cost me to stay awake 'til 4am last night, and the second course came as an even bigger shocker. Bryan called me at 9am this morning so I got out of bed to wander around as we spoke on the phone. When I slinked back into bed, my feet touched a massive wet spot, and I saw my lovely dog soaked the blankets on my bed once again. Freshly washed. She knew she did wrong because I alienated her from the bedroom while I huffed and puffed and threw my blankets into the wash again. And although she followed me around and looked at me hopefully, she wouldn't cross the threshold to my bedroom again.
I've had my childhood dog by my side for about 11yrs now. Her name is Gretchen, and she's a neurotic little miniture dachsund. I can't tell you stories of her and I playing fetch, or how she walked obediently at my side without a leash, or how we could just open the door and she'd go outside to initiate business. I can't say any of that because Gretchen never did that, and she still hasn't done that. She's stubborn, and inbred, and has a huge Gestapo streak that I can't break her out of. This bullying is usually centered on my cats or my 6yr old nephew who apparently sounds like prey when he screams and runs. So my dog is more like a really needy killer, with a cold nose, and Bambi eyes.
When she was a puppy she would choke herself at the end of the leash in order to bite strangers. She was never house trained and will only use the designated 'piss pad' as a courtesy, or otherwise she leaves puddles right where people walk. On my 16th birthday, my friend Eileen gave me a stuffed beanie baby badger as a cutesy gift. At that time, Gretchen was starting to harbor maternal instincts so she adopted the stuffed badger as her baby, and to this day she can't sleep without it.
She and I sleep together every night. When she was younger, we tried keeping her alone in a crate, but she whimpered all night. She wanted me! Dachsunds like to burrow, it's part of their nature, so she loved to get underneath the covers where she would, quite literally, sleep in my arms. My mom's favorite story is how she went to wake me up to go to school one day, and I am often a burrower when I sleep as well, so my blanket was one big mound. My mom shook the big lump that was laying on my pillow, and out came Gretchen, while I was curled up at the foot of my bed.
Even now, I wake up and she's sleeping perfect right beside me. Gretchen favors the outside of the bed, and she's still sleeping with her head on my pillow. My mom took a picture of us one time, and she and I were actually spooning. We were deep asleep and I had her in my arms, and her little doggy paws were over my arms and, as the story goes, we were snoring in unison.
As to be expected, I moved out of my family home and left my beloved Gretchen behind. I was gone for years and I never even thought about her at all. Sure, when I'd do my monthly call to my mom, I'd ask how she was doing, but it was kind of me wracking my brain trying to remember who else to ask about. My faithful dog companion was no more than just a distant memory to me. I had two cats to take care of! And I assured myself that my dog didn't even remember me.
About a year ago, I had to move back to my mom's house because I couldn't afford living alone anymore. While I was there those first few weeks, Gretchen didn't treat me any different than anyone else in the household. It was kind of heart breaking, but I understood. Or at least I thought I did. I thought it was natural that an animal wouldn't have the same sentimental feelings, no matter how domesticated they were.
One day, my poor doggy got pregnant for the first time when she was 10yrs old, which was a huge shock to the family. The rapist was my sister's pekingese, but for months we were in denial and thought she was faking it. Apparently female dogs go into 'false heats', almost to the point where their bellies get big and they lactate milk. Unfortunately for us, Gretchen was knocked up.
It's a really sad story what happened at the end of her pregnancy, though. Once we realized she wasn't faking, everyone was obsessive with feeling for the babies. I even felt them move one day, and you could clearly see at least two round objects because my dog is really tiny and she was all belly. A few weeks later, though, Gretchen suddenly lost a lot of weight. Cue us believing it was false all along! That is until Gretchen went into labor one night.
Here is where my hatred of vets began. Gretchen needed to give birth. She had been straining at labor for almost 6hrs. We went to one vet and they did X-rays but suddenly got really tight lipped about the whole situation, saying Gretchen needed a C-section and it would be about $1,000 to do so. That operation would enable the doctors to cut Gretchen open and lift the babies out, rather than having her give birth naturally.
So began our vet shuffle until finally we found someone who would do the surgery for $600.00. My mom and I were really happy Gretchen was finally getting help, and we were excited to see the puppies. Well, we soon found out why the first vet wasn't telling us anything and were demanding a surgery up front. Gretchen's puppies had been dead for weeks. That's why she suddenly lost so much weight. She was too old, and the father dog was a larger breed than she was, and they had just expired suddenly. We surmised that the first vet wasn't telling us about the dead puppies in case we opted to put Gretchen down and avoid a surgery, thus losing them money. What a bunch of jerks.
After this ordeal, I nursed my puppy love back to health. In the following weeks that she was pregnant, Gretchen stayed with me every night, and we were two comfy peas in a pod. It all happened so suddenly, having her back in my life. One day she went from just seeing me as a member of the family to realizing that I was her best friend come back!
The vet had told us due to the surgery and Gretchen's age, her life span will have shortened. Ontop of that, her recovery from the surgery was expected to have taken weeks. I'll tell you right now: Gretchen was up and walking and happy just two days later. She and I were eating ham sandwiches and cuddling, and we didn't give her any pain pills. My little baby girl came back into good health with a lot of love and kisses. Even now, people see her and think she's so much younger than an 11yr old senior dog. She goes up and down the stairs, runs really fast after my cats, and doesn't act her age.
Believe it or not, Gretchen loves me so much that she has horrible separation anxiety. She's really intelligent and knows when I'm leaving, so she'll literally pin herself to the front door and hope by osmosis that she'll get to follow me outside. When I am gone, for business or shenanigans, I've been told that Gretchen literally curls up into a ball and cries. My mom thought she was dying one day, because Gretchen stayed under the kitchen counter and wouldn't budge, even for food. EVEN FOR FOOD! A dog's kryptonite if I ever knew of one.
See, all those stories of dogs waiting for their master are completely true. I watched Hachiko: A Dog's Story and was crying buckets. Literally inconsolable while I hugged Gretchen and rocked back and forth. The show Futurama is a more accurate depiction of how I felt towards Gretchen, however. Fry had a faithful dog companion, named Seymour Butts, but he was frozen and then awoke 1000yrs later. Here's a summary from Wiki:
"The professor begins the cloning process and his computer informs him that Seymour died at the age of 15, meaning he lived for twelve years after Fry was frozen. Fry has the cloning process aborted, believing that Seymour will have moved on with his life and forgotten about him. A flashback then shows that Seymour faithfully obeyed Fry's last command, to wait for him in front of Panucci's Pizza until he came back from his delivery run on December 31, 1999. He stays there as the years pass and he, the pizzeria, and Mr. Panucci begin to show their age; in the final shot, Seymour lies down and closes his eyes"
The tears, they won't stop coming.
That's how I felt for years! I thought Gretchen had moved on, and was having a happy little sausage filled life. But when I saw her again, after years of separation, she slept all the time and would never wag her tail. Now that she's back with me, she literally wags her tail when she walks to and from the water dish, or just wandering around. She's so much happier and we're inseperable. I never realized how hard my absence affected her, but what can I expect? I knew it was love when we brought her home as a puppy, and she stopped crying and would sleep the moment I gave her my t-shirt.
I know most people don't have such close relationships with their pets, but Gretchen is a rare exception. She's annoying, and clingy, and invades personal space, but she's loved me for 11yrs and her world ends if she thinks I'm leaving her for good. We have a sleep routine, and I often can't fully fall asleep until I know she's underneath the covers and we're laying back-to-back. Call me crazy, but I love my dog.
March 16th, 2010
So, my mom just gave me a little pep talk about good deeds. Or sticking something out. Or something -- I really wasn't paying attention. The point is: I've been trying to think of examples of me actually waiting for something and not needing instant gratification, because I'm a very impatient person who will give up on something if it's taking too long. The reason for this is because my friend challenged me and asked when was the last time I was patient and waited for something. Cue the crickets in the background. Today, however, is my gold star on the forehead when it comes to 'patience'.
My sister, in what I first thought a brief flight of manic fancy, wanted to become a volunteer for a Smithsonian museum. She certainly wasn't going to go all the way into D.C alone, though, so in a bid for her to get off her ass and do something with her life, I went along with her. She was really afraid of going by herself, especially since we'd be travelling on the Red Line and that same line crashed and killed 9 people last year.
So, just imagine right now what it's like riding with a crazy manic who squeals and whimpers at every single groan or scratch the metro car made. I hate the Red Line, too. One time, my car actually detached and just chilled there from the rest of the train, while everyone just kinda sat with nothing to do. But I still rode it every day because I'm in the mindset that I'm not going to die in some weird freak accident. Am I jinxing myself right now?
Anyway, we go to the volunteer orientation event. It's my sister and I, a girl who graduated and is working in a bar and confused with her life, and an old retired guy who wants to do something with his time. Basically what a volunteer does is they show up for 52 weekdays or 26 weekends a year, on the same day and time, and they are the meet and greet for one of the 19 museums in the D.C area. You don't get to pick where you want to go because it's based on availability and need at the time of your placing.
The whole procedure seemed kind of Communist (okay, I'm reaching with that one). But all the same, you're given the one spot and that's your one spot for a year. The reason I say this is because the confused college graduate had a degree in Art History, which is why she wanted to try and volunteer at the Smithsonian, and what I would think an art centered one. However, there's only two art museums, and placement is availibity and not preference.
Here's where the dilemma is: My sister has to go through 5 weeks of training, starting March 25th. The reason why this has me flailing is because, like I mentioned before, my sister won't go into the District by herself. So, basically, I've been fucked into being her moral support for the next five weeks when this training thing won't benefit me in the slightest.
I don't want to be a complete tool and just be like "You're on your own", because she really is clueless about how to get around. My sister isn't adjusted to city life. But fucking 5 weeks?! When I even wanted to do the volunteer thing but she screwed me over by not telling me I had to sign up (thus locking me out of the class).
This is the pep talk my mom gave me earlier: About having patience and understanding and being a friend to my sister.
I tested the waters on whether I could stand my sister's company for hours. We went shopping and even ate at a restaurant, where she ended up getting drunk off of one Pina Colada. The verdict is a resounding "OH MY GOD NO!". My sister is a miserable person who complains constantly and she talks really loudly in quiet places full of people, which is a big pet peeve of mine. I mean, I know I have trouble controlling my indoor voice when I'm excited or drunk, but at least my speech isn't punctuated with "fuck" and "y'all" every few words.
With that being said, though... I'm going to be a big pussy and just roll with it. I have to ensure my sister goes, and learns, because this is a really big thing to her. She even has grandiose dreams of becoming a museum curator one day, although I think the only museum she can manage is one to Dolly Parton.
At least there's a silver lining: I'm sure I'll run into a cute boy or something while I wait for my sister's classes to end. Although it seems every cute guy I zero in on is gay. And now I have the ultimate patience story to throw at my friend the next time he calls me impatient and belligerent. I just have to make sure I don't say FUCK IT and give up halfway.
In other news, I bought new jeans, but a crushing development has been brought to my attention -- my metabolism is slowing the fuck down. I haven't ever had the best metabolism, to be honest. I was never that person who can eat and eat and never gain weight, because those people are few and far between and are probably not human. Or they're a young dude.
So I try on these jeans and I think I look horribly fat. I'm not, though, because they're a size 3. That's still small, right? When I was 19, I was a size 0-2 and now that I'm 24 I've graduated to a size 3 which is why I think I'm panicking. They're comfy as all get out, I can sit okay in them, but I'm stressing that it makes my butt look fat.
Cue Bryan's favorite line: "Those pants don't make you look fat. Your fat butt makes you look fat." Luckily he never said that to me -- I'd punch him in the cock. And I know I'm panicking for no reason, but it just sucks trying on clothes sometimes.
March 13th, 2010
Here's yet another layout that I've shit out in the midst of a frenzy of creative energy. A FRENZY! I seriously don't have anything to do with my time, and when I'm not out with friends, I just sit here and think and look at color swatches. Such is life in Moscow.
As per the usual course, I'm going to give the low down as to what inspired me and what I listened to and even what I was eating. Because I'm sure it was influential.
Assassin's Creed II - Earth
I love this game. I especially love how complicated it looks when, in reality, you hold down 2 buttons and run in a straight line and it does the work for you. My friends who have little knowledge of video games, they watch me play this and think I have real mad skills, but keep it a secret what I just told you.
Fever Ray - If I Had A Heart
I like how low and pensive this music is, like a Native American chant. I first heard of Fever Ray through my friend who is always trying to introduce me to new things. In the past he tried to push drugs, and now he just pushes weird Swedish music. Usually it's been hit or miss, but this song really stuck with me.
If I had a heart I could love youOn a side note, the singer Fever Ray wrote this album while pregnant because she was bustling with creative ideas. She wanted to capture the thoughts that disappear as fast as they form.
If I had a voice I could sing
After the night when I wake up
I'll see what tomorrow brings.
Andrea Bocelli - Con te partiro
I first heard this song while playing the first Grand Theft Auto. It's no secret that I'm a sucker for opera and orchestral arrangements. I recently discovered it again after my friend visited me for a short bit on his way to his mother's house for a wedding. When he left, he called me and this was playing on his end when I picked up. He only did this because I played Goodbye Horses when we last saw each other, but it's definitely a challenge that I'll have to best in the future.
The image is a slight homage to every goth chick's favorite story -- Which is Alice in Wonderland. How fitting because every goth chick's favorite director just released his version of that same story. The original image is from Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds although now I am completely unable to find the original because I was stupid and saved over it with my alterations.
The quote that's rattling around in the girl's head up there is from Midsummer Night's Dream Act III, Scene II which you can read right here. I feel it captures me quite well, although I can't outright say anything of my vixen ways in school. Basically because it's non-existant. I love Shakespeare and his pursuit to appeal to the common folk, because even now his words are incredibly easy to read. I still like to quote him by retorting if someone bites their thumb at me if they're being rude, and it's always funny if someone plays along and agrees to the offense.
And I lied: I only ate ramen noodles. I can't think of anything poetic or life changing about a bowl of ramen. It's not like something happened where I found a handsome and amnesiac man and nursed him back to health with chicken oodles of noodles, and he repaid me with his undying love and loyalty and a good lay. A girl can dream.
March 12th, 2010
This is pleasant. I'm trying to watch a movie but I'm using shitty iPod earbuds, which is enabling me to pick up every sound except what I'm trying to watch. All of this while Modern Warfare 2 is playing behind me. Anyway, I'm trying to watch Atonement which is a quiet guilty pleasure of mine. I've never watched it before, but I always wanted to, although I couldn't trick anybody into seeing it. I should have just asked Ray, because he actually went and saw Twilight with me.
So, this movie is kind of brimming with sexual tension. I think? I just watched a scene where a guy with a pedo 'stache interrupted some kids playing, just to give the girl a chocolate bar, and demanding she 'bite it'. And before that, the lead character's brother was checking her out in a swimsuit. And now the two main leads are staring forlornly in the distance, obviously thinking about one another, even though she's from a hoity toity background and he's the gardener. I don't understand what the conflict is coming from, though. I think the little girl cries rape? Or something? I think it'd help if I could hear the dialogue instead of the staccato noise of bullets firing.
Oh wait, now I see what's going to happen. He's giving his declaration of love to the lead's little sister, who is obviously going to read the letter and cause some drama. Oh wait, nevermind, he accidently wrote something dirty and the little girl read it. I don't understand what's going on! I can't believe I'm writing a play-by-play as I figure this out, but I'd just do the same if someone were beside me. I'm guilty of talking during movies and discussing the plot as it unfolds. Yes, I am that person.
OH WAIT! So she reads the dirty letter, believes the guy is a sexual predator, sees him getting it on with her sister, and then thinks it's rape so she calls the police. Bam, I got it. Man, those nosy little sisters. Always being such a cockblock. OH WAIT NO! The guy with the pedo 'stache tried to rape the little girl and the little sister believes it was the OTHER dude who she caught fucking her sister in the library.
So, I've done something kind of pseudo-monumental: I quit a game. For the past 2yrs, I've played World of Warcraft every night. I even scheduled outting's by my raid times, which was a serious damper in my social life at times. In fact, to be brutally honest, WoW was a major factor as to why Bryan and I broke up. He was making me uncomfortable by talking to and flirting with other girls, so I ignored it and turned to a video game.
If I can be nerdy here, I had the geeky honor to be in one of the top guild's on my server (which was called Paradox). Unlike most games, though, where you can just play casually and whenever you want, to actually be good in WoW you have to be guilded and raiding with 25 strangers a night. On average, I'd raid about 6-7hrs per night, but often it was only 4hrs because I couldn't pull all nighters.
So, because of the nature of raiding and to constantly be there, if you miss more than a week you're basically out of the loop. The game is in real time and always changing, and the line-up for that 25 will move on with or without me. I want to focus my time more on my job and other people. I know it sounds silly, but to do anything substantial in WoW is like carrying on a part-time job. Yeah, you can be casual and just dick around, but you're not achieving what the game is all about -- and that is raiding and 'farming' for gear every week.
I'm going to miss the friends I made in that game. We didn't really talk about much real life things (I like to remain guarded), but they were still pals. People who I talked to every day, and we'd work together to kill things or have fun just running around in circles.
I kind of left rather abruptly, because I'm no good with goodbyes, so I'm sure a lot of people aren't aware that I left for real. I'll let it sink in. I like to become a legend, anyway. In the mean time, though, I'm sofa king bored. That game filled a lot of past time when I had nothing to do, so now I've retired once again to my PS3 and internet stalking.
In other news: My Tom is feeling a lot better. And not in the false sense that he's probably going to relapse in two weeks (knock on wood). I absolutely hated the vet, though. They forgot to give me his anti-biotics AND cat food that I was apparently ninja billed for, and both those forgotten items earned me two trips back. What really got me rowdy was the fact they called me and said "Oh, YOU forgot these" when they clearly left me no indication that I needed it. I was very snarky when I explained to them that they failed to let me know.
I'm kind of proud that I've been a lot more vocal to people when they jerk me around. Not personally, of course -- I'm as shy as they come if a friend walks over me. I mean in a professional sense, like if I'm shopping or most recently this vet deal. I've worked in retail long enough to run into customers that give me a hard time or run me through loops, but they're not an exception -- they're a rule. Yeah, you have your bad customers who will blame you for killing their baby (didn't happen to me but actually happened to my co-worker), or the people who demand to see your manager if you tell them that a sale is over when they bring in a coupon (ahem!). It just happens. I used to think people take out their aggressions and talk down to me because my chosen profession wasn't exactly rocket science, but I get it.
Most people that work in retail are dumb as shit, and barely capable of thinking outside their routine if you pose them a challenging question, like, "Can I pay half credit and the rest cash?" I used to think how easy it'd be to have a non-challenging job, but now I just find the whole idea depressing. Unfortunately for us, we are our jobs and our khaki pants and our furniture. To quoteth Tyler Durden: Our Great Depression is our lives.
March 5th, 2010
My cat Tom got really sick again. He kept having complications with his bladder, which resulted in him straining to pee or having blood in his urine. When I took him to the vet the first time, they gave me meds and said if it doesn't clear up, bring him back to them for another option. I kinda waved my hand at it once I got home, though, and he dutifully started to get better and was back to swinging his dick around. Y'know, figuratively.
Well, two days ago, Tom's condition worsened really suddenly. He wouldn't respond to me, or purr, and he wouldn't eat or drink. I gave him the medicine all day, and just kept checking on him, but by the next morning I had to rush him to the vet again 'cause he had collapsed and was cold to the touch. The doctor wasn't very kind, and upfront told me if I had the money to either give Tom surgery or put him to sleep. What the fuck is that?!
The surgery is $900.00 and isn't necessary according to the internets. Tom has a UTI and while surgery makes it easier for him to pee, it won't fix his problem. I even asked a second opinion from the other doctor who's in practice at the vet where Tom is staying, and she confirmed the same thing (just was nicer about it). After butting heads with the doctor that's treating Tom, he agreed to keep Tom there for 3 days while they flush his system out and monitor him.
Now, I mentioned how alpha male my Tom is. He won't listen to me unless he wants to, and he especially doesn't take kindly to being forced into doing something he didn't sign on for. When I tried to give him his meds, I wrapped him in a towel to keep from thrashing and he ended up punching a goddamn hole through it. Well, true to his nature, Tom absolutely despised the catheter they stuck up his little pee hole. So he ripped it out during the night. And this is while he's wearing the collar to keep him from twisting around. The vet called me and told me about it, absolutely shocked, but I was silently cheering him on 'cause that meant he was feeling better. That's how hardcore my cat is!
When I visited him, he was meowing really loudly and so happy to see me. He kept trying to roll onto his back so I could rub his belly, but the collar and the IV in his paw stopped him. It broke my heart to have to leave him there, and I feel really pitiful that he's been there (almost!) three days and all I do is think about him. But he's my boy! It feels like there's something missing in my house. I guess it's true you never realize how good you have something until it's gone, because I never realized how much I interacted with him as much as I do. I'm just glad he's going to get better.
This has been the single most awful week in a couple months. I was really annoyed that everything bad had to occur right on my birthday, because it really did take away from me being happy. Ontop of Tom almost dying, my sister has raised a huge shitstorm and I think it's because of me.
See, the thing with my sister is she's really insecure. Couple that with the fact she's bi-polar and manic and batshit crazy, and well... she's a quite the molotav cocktail. I knew she was headed for a meltdown over how she reacted to MY reaction about Tom. Naturally, I cried like a little girl and went to my mom for comfort. My sister kept butting in and being snarky and overall dismissive.
On my actual birthday, my mom had to tell me that she wouldn't be giving me any presents that day because my sister was being unreasonable and threatening to take the kids away because nobody appreciated her. I'm not sure of how she handled damage control, but by the time we did my birthday cake and everyone was singing, my sister started singing really loudly over everyone how I was ugly and my clothing smelled like shit or something. Cue a what the fuck? I'm not sure how I instigated all this malice from my own sister, but it's really hard to deal with.
After the cake was dealt, and I wandered off to go watch TV, my sister followed me and lamented on her life and how she was going to start becoming an alcoholic. I just dismissed her and told she was acting stupid and I didn't want to talk her, but she kept hounding me about it. To the point where she even left TWO Facebook messages on my wall, for everyone to see, about how she wanted to become an alcoholic. Yeah, yeah, it may be extreme sarcasm, but the entire topic really annoys me. I'm torn between loyalty to my sister and overall annoyance at what she's become and how she treats me.
I realized that the reason I hate attention and events centered around me is because of her. I know it doesn't take a psychologist to figure that out, but this is really eye opening to me now that I gave it some thought. I've always hated my birthdays, or graduations, or just anything that had to do with me doing well and people being happy for me. It always felt wrong and made me awkward and that's because I was raised to believe it was wrong, which is a terrible thing. I kind of hate my sister for it because I don't know how to really make myself 'un-shy' to people paying attention to me now.
March 4th, 2010
Here's my birthday horoscope. It's disheartening to see that every astrology thing I read about March 4th is how hard my life is, but apparently I'll reproduce a diamond with all this hard work.
At times life may seem to be a battlefield to the courageous and iconoclastic Pisces born on March 4. They seem to attract upheaval and chaos. Yet this destabilization gives them their perspective. They may practice an intellectual or spiritual discipline to express their true nature.
Pisces Information for March 4
You should embrace: Mastery, self-knowledge, astrology
You should avoid: Going to extremes, deliberation, blaming others
Friends and Lovers
People born on this date are cautious when choosing people to trust. They usually have a small but loyal group of friends and are apt to discourage casual acquaintances. Their love life is often intense. They are attracted to people who share their love of spontaneity.
Children and Family
March 4 people often experience turmoil in their childhood years. Before they can become successful parents, they need to put their house in order. When they deal with issues from their past, they have an opportunity to wipe the slate clean and begin again.
Health
March 4 natives experience frequent ups and downs in health matters, which are usually related to their indifference. Although they have boundless energy, they sometimes overtax themselves.
Career and Finances
People born on this date have nervous energy and are rarely comfortable in sedentary, nine-to-five jobs. They favor a career where every day is different. Although they have a reputation for playing fast and loose with money, they have good instincts.
Dreams and Goals
These people have an all-or-nothing mentality. If they cannot reach the highest goals they set, they may not be interested in attempting anything. The challenge that awaits them is to work toward their lofty ambitions while pursuing reachable goals.
Short Stories
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My Weekend Starts Early
Saving The Universe Jesus Drives an Echo |
I Am Batman Cats vs. Dogs Simon Says A Pocket Saviour |
Poetry
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Finite Fidelity
A Love Sonnet Honesty Has No Tact A Monster |
Gaming articles
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