January 12th 2010
I'm so beat from this weekend. I got incredibly shit faced on Saturday. Like blitzed out of my mind. I was so drunk that I started talking in tongues, or at least my friend says it was a Scottish accent but strangely male. I came home at 3 or 4am, and I laid down on the cold floor and tossed yarn at my cats because they were wide eyed and manic and it amused me.
As if on some kind of wave-length and like the clock in his head hit V-Is-Drunk o'clock, Bryan called me and he was equally soused. I was even more amused that the crowd behind him uninamiously called out my name and cheered. Speaking of Bryan, apparently I've earned his 'trust' factor at some point these past 2yrs because not ONLY am I receiving $500,000 if he dies in Iraq, he also wants me to be his Power-of-Attorney . I'm trying not to let all this power go to my head, but I'm no Peter Parker.
I barely recovered on Sunday, but I was awake enough to hang out with my friend Ray. We went to see Avatar in 3D and all I can say about that movie is A) I got really farklempt when all the animals banded together to kick the human's collective asses and B) Some of the 3D effects actually almost made me raise my hand and brush away things that seemed to be drifting in front of my eyes. But it was just on the screen. Trippy.
I can understand why so many people are taken with Avatar, though. I read that a lot of people are reporting coming out of Avatar depressed, because they see how shitty our world is. What a crock of shit. These whiners need to take a tip from Sigourney Weaver, who narrated the amazing Planet Earth special on Discovery channel. It blows my mind to see how beautiful the Earth is. It's not right to be so consumed by jealousy of a fictional planet.
I then slept badly all Sunday night because my lovely dog kept rabbit kicking me in my stomach all night. I really can't understand why she did this. She wasn't asleep, but she just couldn't get comfortable, which resulted in me not getting comfortable, which then ENDED with me checking my phone every few hours and seeing it inch from 3am to 5am to 8am. Fuck me. Thusly I woke up on Monday for work, beaten and bruised like I owed money, and now I sit here too tired to actually sleep.
January 9th 2010
Let it never be said that V doesn't get what she wants in the end. I'm a very shy and awkward person, although that awkwardness is endearing and works in my favor like how it's done in the movies sometimes. However, I push all this away when I'm working or if I'm around people, because I don't want them to see that or be uncomfortable with me because I'm uncomfy around them. And today I had to basically take the bull by the horns and do something my way to get things done, because I was about to be screwed over once again.
My current job, which I have barely held for two weeks now, suddenly told me today that their location is closing and that's that. I could honestly feel my brain hit Survivor Mode so I asked the manager if we got paid extra for sticking around and packing up the store, since it was required of the employees. I wouldn't mind being on a sinking ship for extra money, but she said No.
So, I did something I'd normally never have the balls to do, but fuck it. I walked out. I took my things and I left. I don't care if I get an irate phone call later, but why the hell should I stick around if I'm not getting a job with them again down the line? I hold no obligations to them.
Feeling sorry for myself, I walked into the mall, and I sulked. I sulked my way into each store, asking if they were hiring and when they told me No, I sulked out and went into the next one. I understand the economy's in the shitter, but one employee of Charlotte Russe was rude as shit. Despite my sulkiness, I was very polite as I went into each store, and I waited for the sales clerks to be done with a customer before I talked to them. When I asked for an application from this one black girl, she eyed me up and down, then didn't look at me all the entire time as she tore me off an application and tossed it to me before walking off.
I didn't think much about it, it's not like they were busy, but maybe she had something on her mind. Whatever. I came back half an hour later, once I had finished my fruitless journey and had filled out the application, and the same black girl was there at the front with a customer. I get behind the customer and I wait but when the clerk was done she turned away and talked to her friend beside her. Seriously? Then she turned to me and waited until I said something, so I was like "Um... here's my application?", because I'm seriously confused by the way she's acting towards me. She looked it over, kept calling me by my middle name, and then just stared at me as she put it away.
I'm honestly so confused and didn't know what to say and I'm fed up at this point so I asked her if she's always this rude to people and I got ready to stand my ground. She looked surprised and then really amused as she got to recite the age old Retail Oath, in that is there anything she could get me? I walked out, like I walked out of my job earlier, but not without muttering something about how I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't 1.
Feeling EVEN MORE sorry for myself, I walked into the shopping center next to the mall and I moped. I moped my way into every store there, and was met with the same "Sorry, but we're not hiring..." albeit it being nicer. I eventually moped my way into a UPS store, and steeled myself for rejection once again. It seemed to go that way at first since the store clerk didn't have an application, but she asked me to put my name, phone number, and age down on a piece of paper. I did that and moped my way out. Bryan called me at this point, and he's been having to call me on weird phone numbers since New Years because he broke his phone in Vegas. So I've had to get over my hang-up on picking up weird numbers that I don't know of.
I tell him my bad news, and how I'm a big mopey bear, but he was like "Get it, girl!" when I told him the story of The Bitch In The Mall. I also told him how I stopped by a Honeybaked store that had two male clerks working there, and they were smiling at me when I came walking in and told me that they're not hiring but PLEASE, PLEASE drop an application, anyway! Granted, they were older guys, but it was a nice boost to the ego. Bryan said I should work there for the free lunches they'd buy me, but ew. I don't need to be the object of an old man's fantasy.
In any case, as I was talking to him, I got an incoming call from a local number and I got giddy with joy. I think when I hung up the phone on Bryan, it went something like "OmgIgottagoitmightbeajobformecallmebacklaterbye!!" Turned out to be the UPS store, and the manager wanted to speak to me! I went walking in there with a strut to my step, and I start Monday at 4:00pm. Their hours are short, something like 10:00 to 5:30, and naturally they're closed Sundays. I still don't know what they pay, but I'm already starting to strategize a second job at night so I can get maximum income. It's not like I have a life, anyway.
I'm really happy that I went and did this for myself. I wasn't about to sit around and feel bad, and I'm glad I didn't give up after the mall turned out to be completely pointless and full of rude bitches. This UPS thing seems easy as shit. It's a tiny store, and the customers that came in were just sending boxes or bags, and that was that. I used to have to deal with DHL and UPS a lot in my older retail days, often with tracking and scheduling, so maybe it won't be too different. I hope. Oh geez.
January 7th 2010
I should probably go to sleep right now but I don't wanna. It's snowing and I'm too busy scowling out the window, with hot cocoa and two cats fighting at my feet. They get crazy after 1am. I still laugh (and feel bad) when my friend lived with me for a month and her bedroom was the living room, which she shared with my crazy kids. She told me they'd fight all night and she'd wake up with both of them staring at her with big owl eyes.
Since I can't sleep, I'll just share some pictures and other things.
I displayed my magnum opus of years of theory crafting and writing in the form of a Silent Hill Plot Guide And Analysis on the GGS website. Whilst looking through it, I wished there was more information, or new games, but nothing's been leaked ever since SH: Homecoming came out. And I don't mean 'new' in terms of SH: Shattered Memories, which is a re-hashing of the first Silent Hill. Oddly enough, I thought about this other gaming franchise which I really like, called Legacy of Kain. I mean, shit, I like it so much that I named the website after Kain's catch phrase of VAE VICTIS! when he was in a bloodlust and his impale arm was twitchy.
The reason I was thinking about it was because A) It's a REALLY indepth franchise and and B) It's probably never ever going to be finished. A voice actor (Tony Jay) behind one of the main villains died, and there's no way you can duplicate the awesome-ness of that voice. Look at that career! He was MegaByte on ReBoot, in Mighty Max he was Virgil, and he was the narrator for the Austin Power movies. Next there's Michael Bell who's the voice of Raziel, and he's probably on his way out. I actually looked at his IMDB page with sincere trepidation, because I didn't want to see "Day of death". In addition, Eidos went under and no other distribution company has picked up the series.
Dementium II is coming out for Nintendo DS. If you like creepy, graphic, survival horrors in a mental institute then this game is up your alley, Sally! Okay, sorry, I've just got gaming on the braining.
What's interesting about this picture is that my friend found it on the wall of a bar, and he said it was like an Addam's Family version of me. Doesn't that look freakingly accurate? I love it.
My desktop. Don't judge me!
I totally screencapped this movie just 'cause Snake's in the background.
That's all.
January 5th 2010
Things have been very interesting lately. When I say 'things', that encompasses the people that I know. My friends have been great, especially newer ones which is a grand feat in itself because I'm not that easy to befriend. It's not because I'm a mean person but it's more along the lines of I don't care about other people. But I mean that in a nice way! I have empathy and all that jazz towards the human race, but to actually make me care for you as a friend and to talk to you everyday is something else entirely.
The reason why I bring this up is because I'm being thoughtful about my friendship with Bryan. Those who know him first hand know him as asshole/weird ex-boyfriend, and from my own close accounts, it's pretty much the same title that he's earned. Ever since he was incredibly rude to me back in October (because I never forget), I stopped talking to him and seeking him out. I know that HE knew I had a soft heart (and maybe head), and would forgive him, but I was sticking to my guns this time and ignored him. It worked out great and I had a little strut in my walk, thinking I got the better of him finally.
Sometime late December, though, we started talking again via text message. I think it's because I have a bleeding heart and I knew he was going to be spending Christmas by himself, but he told me that he was turning off his phone the 24th so he wouldn't get any well-wishes from anyone. Imagine my surprise when he ended up calling me Christmas day, saying he didn't want me to be sad because he was going to be selfish and ignore me! Then somehow we started talking every day on the phone, sometimes several times a day. I can't even say what we talk about, honestly, because it's just shooting the shit.
I don't know. There was a time, two years ago, when I would have given anything to be back with Bryan but I'm not sure how I feel about him anymore. I like him as a friend because he really is funny and has good ideas, but he's not a very comforting boyfriend. People always said I was too good for him when I first started dating Bryan and I'd tell myself often "This is never going to work out". And lo and behold, although I blame him entirely for the break up.
How I feel lately is how I felt when I was 19yrs old, and I said FUCK THIS and left Florida and my home and everyone behind and started over in a new city. I've literally done nothing for the past two years to improve or change myself. But, because I stayed the same and stagnant for those two years, I haven't had anything bad happen. It's just a loss of growth and experience that I'm going to have to make up for, and I think that's what's burning underneath my ass lately. I feel like I have to do something, and I'm not going to get the results I want while I stay in this environment.
So, in short, here is my New Years Resolution, and I plan to do all of this by May. As Captain Ron says, light the fires and kick the tires!
1 Make enough money to move to a better place, with a roommate, because I get lonely by myself. Isn't that weird? I like my own company but living alone, again, depresses me. It's likely going to be a stranger because the one person I'd like to move in with me will probably say no, like he said no last time.
2 Read a book a week. I really miss reading, and I used to do it all the time. It's how I discovered great books like John Dies At The End and The Dark Tower. I've noticed that I'm personally happy when I have an active imagination going on, especially when it comes to thinking about stories.
3 Try to set my foot down more. I'm starting to get people to walk all over me again because of my kind nature (surprising, I know!). I'm not one to complain and huff and puff, and I think that's why people go to me for their needs and wants, and it's leaving me feeling like people only come to me for help.
4 Drink more soy milk! It's pretty yummy, once you get past the taste. I'm mainly doing this to make my boobs bigger.
5 I want to try and not be so scared to write anything in GGS.com. I've gotten into the habit of just putting down snippets of news articles, instead of actually writing what I want to write. I'm worried because I don't want it to see too unprofessional, but shit, it's just a hobby website. And it needs original content.
In closing, my friend Paul texted me at 3am last night. He wanted me to send a picture right then, since he had just woken me up, because he wanted to see what a sleepy V looked like. I thought why the hell not? and sent him one while I was on my stomach. Him being a total dude only commented that he liked how my boobs were squished together -- giggity goo.
Short Stories
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Saving The Universe Jesus Drives an Echo |
I Am Batman Cats vs. Dogs Simon Says A Pocket Saviour |
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